F O R ( N ) E V E R .

Before you're gone.

2010-04-12T12:56:00.004+08:00

This blog has been left untouched for ages. and i felt that i should prolly post here. What we had after things ended was a whole lot. I truly feel that we could still be friends. I felt that if you want to keep up with a friendship no matter what it is you would. But clearly i have been shown alot of incidents and happenings that maybe, u don't even wanna be friends with me.

Its is definitely sad to see things happening like this, it is also sad to know that you hadn't change your mentality on that. I still love you, but as a friend. I know you'll think I'm prolly bullshitting here. well just for u to know, i don't care if u think i'm bullshitting or not. my point is i wanna say how i feel. and there's no way i can communicate with you, because u just shut me out.

I hope everything would turn out well for you and i want you to meet the most suitable girl in your life. and i hope u could introduce her to me. that would be the very least i ask for.

p.s. i know this post might/might not be even read. but its just what i feel inside me.

Bittersweet Symphony

2009-08-24T16:56:00.000+08:00

Well, I've never prayed,
But tonight I'm on my knees, yeah
I need to hear some sounds that recognize the pain in me, yeah
I let the melody shine, let it cleanse my mind , I feel free now
But the airwaves are clean and there's nobody singing to me now.

All or Nothing

2009-08-23T00:21:00.000+08:00

I know when he's been on your mind
That distant look is in your eyes
I thought with time you'd realize it's over, over
It's not the way I choose to live
And something somewhere's gotta give
A share in this relationship gets older, older

You know I'd fight for you but how could I fight someone who isn't even there
I've had the rest of you now I want the best of you I don't care if that's not fair

'Cos I want it all
Or nothing at all
There's nowhere left to fall
When you reach the bottom it's now or never
Is it all
Or are we just friends
Is this how it ends
With a simple telephone call
You leave me here with nothing at all

There are time it seems to me
I'm sharing you with memories
I feel it in my heart but I don't show it , show it
Then there's times you look at me
As thought I'm all that you could see
Those times I don't believe it's right I know it , know it

Don't make me promises baby you never did know how to keep them well
I had the rest of you now I want the best of you it's time to show and tell

'Cos I want it all
Or nothing at all
There's nowhere left to fall
When you reach the bottom it's now or never
Is it all
Or are we just friends
Is this how it ends
With a simple telephone call
You leave me here with nothing at all

'Cos you and I
Could lose it all if you've got no more room
Nowhere inside for me in your life

'Cos I want it all
Or Nothing at all
There's nowhere left to fall
It's now or never

Is it all
Or Nothing at all
When you reach the bottom it's now or never
Is it all
Or are we just friends
Is this how it ends
With a simple telephone call
You leave me here with nothing at all

Chubs&Alexis

2009-08-18T14:31:00.000+08:00

Click here to view these pictures larger

This I Promise You

2009-08-11T16:28:00.001+08:00

Ohh ohh...

When the visions around you,
Bring tears to your eyes
And all that surround you,
Are secrets and lies
I'll be your strength,
I'll give you hope,
Keeping your faith when it's gone
The one you should call,
Was standing here all along..

And I will take
You in my arms
And hold you right where you belong
Till the day my life is through
This I promise you
This I promise you

I've loved you forever,
In lifetimes before
And I promise you never...
Will you hurt anymore
I give you my word
I give you my heart (give you my heart)
This is a battle we've won
And with this vow,
Forever has now begun...

Just close your eyes (close your eyes)
Each loving day (each loving day)
I know this feeling won't go away (no..)
Till the day my life is through
This I promise you..
This I promise you..

Over and over I fall (over and over I fall)
When I hear you call
Without you in my life baby
I just wouldn't be living at all...

And I will take (I will take you in my arms)
You in my arms
And hold you right where you belong (right where you belong)
Till the day my life is through
This I promise you baby

Just close your eyes
Each loving day (each loving day)
I know this feeling won't go away (no..)
Every word I say is true
This I promise you

Every word I say is true
This I promise you
Ooh, I promise you...

P.S. CHUBS LOVE YOU.

I can't

2009-08-09T18:33:00.000+08:00

I didn't have high expectations for 08/08/09. We had everything sought and sorted out last minute. From food preparations to the BBQ itself. But i have to admit, things did go smoothly to the extend i was afraid the food wouldn't be enough to go around. But i don't deserve the credits for making it a success. So here i go, listing those whom i want to thank from the bottom of my heart.

First up, Hui Hui who told me to plan something for the 8th August 2009. My mom & dad for being supportive of this event and even helped out with it. Alexis for assisting with the preparations. Eric, Yik Loong & Timothy for setting up the BBQ. Hashim, Farhan & Hidzir for lending their strength. Danial & Wan for being able to drive the stuffs to and fro respectively. Kak Suraya & Abg Afzal for the art of drink concoction. And finally, to those who came, i couldn't thank you enough.

My brother & his belle volunteered to go all the way to Suntec City and helped me with the White Tiger from Build-A-Bear workshop. While i gave him a budget cap, he went ahead with spending his own money to make it perfect. I've decided to name him Chubs. For certain reason, I've always called her Tigress. I felt bad for destroying the stitches on Fadxis and i did promised i will replace it on our 1st year. So please take care of Chubs. Chubs can accompany you to sleep. He will always love you. Just press his right wrist and he will go, I LOVE YOU.

Hui Hui jeopardize being late for work to assist me in printing out the certificate of excellence for her. Alexis, if you're reading this, that certificate is to indicate that you're the World's Best Girlfriend. With the signatures from my mom, who represents the family, Hashim, who represents the friends & yours truly, we've accepted and recognizes your contributions in our lives. I've made an oath i will not ever do up another certificate even if it's for any other woman who walks into my life. For the World's Best is only meant for the one and only.

I hope you ~~love~~ like the gift. I didn't have much time to prepare for it. Again, thank you for the advance birthday wishes and coming to grace the occasion. On behalf of my family, my friends and yours truly, thank you very much. If there's something odd with the food and drinks, I'm sorry. If we're not being good host and we're being rude, I'm sorry. I guess this is it for me. You can follow up on the pictures for the ~~1st half of the~~ evening. Till then.

Thanks Ricca for the cupcakes. It's very sweet though.

Thanks for the gifts.

This will be my greatest treasure of all time.

P.S. I ~~STILL~~ HAVE BEEN LOVING YOU.

xoxo Chubs

2009-08-03T20:31:00.002+08:00

On the side of me

2009-07-18T01:35:00.005+08:00

There's no war to begin with. Nor a war to end with. I did things within my own stride without considering others' feelings and was being selfish. That show's i'm still thinking for myself and have yet to change.

I don't intend to seek sympathy or empathy with today's post. The damage is already done and more berating won't help to ease each others' anger. I will not blame it on the outsiders, for i brought myself to my own downfall.

I am a temperamental person while you're stubborn and these 2 trait are like cats and dogs. I'm not making a reference of logic. As much as i understand, we both need time off, i couldn't understand the reason i couldn't be forgiven? I also understand, coming from a better background and credentials, you must have expected a lot more from me to be better than him.

Even when i said i did regret whatever i did in the past, saying sorry won't make up for the damages done. It will be hard to believe and trust me, yes. But to be pulling me down when i've not even shown i've tried my hardest, i felt it was futile.

Like i said, i did admit to the mistakes of the past. And yes, i admit that i did say that we're of different social status, worlds and habits. I didn't put it blatantly that i hate them. There are some things you wouldn't agree upon yet compromise with it. Despite my outbursts, and my fiery reactions, never did i meant a single word i say. Even now, i wished to meet with them to apologize to them in person.

And it was this very flaw of my temper and sarcasms, you promised to walk with me to see the changes. I did regret the very actions of telling Jack off that night, or your school friends while they we're out drunk. But like i said, words and saying sorry won't make up for the damages done.

I was stretched so thin. You gave me missions to take care of myself, when you're not. As much as you didn't mind, for you to behave such, i felt it was my responsibility because i failed to take a swift and steadfast actions before. Now that things are worst, i have to start from scratch. But looking at you wasting your youth away, i couldn't forgive myself for failing to realize it sooner.

And knowing that you still have yet to forgive me for the insults and slaps i gave you, i know things wouldn't be any easier to reach to you when you're filtering out everything i said. My family even sided with you, saying i should tone down. I didn't even know they did apologize to you till you tell me. That also made me realized i failed my own family.

The existence of the outsiders has been a question lately. Your berating of them has a point. But do also remember the point where you told me you want to make me hate you till your guts which i couldn't possibly comply. They are not exactly as bad as you think they are because they asked me to think of the consequences. But knowing that i couldn't hate you in any possible way, you could hate me instead.

I didn't mean to involve others. But i was so paranoid of your changes that i took things into my own hands. I rant on everything that i could so that i could trigger your anger and you will hate me instead. They wished me luck and hopefully things will get better, and did tell me if it's possible do not give it up. It's not right for you to blame them entirely when i am the one who executes everything.

I do not understand the idea behind backstabbing you. Why would i even be backstabbing someone i loved so dearly. & in the previous sms you stated that a friend of mine told you that I've been doing so even before the temporary breakup. My circle of friends that knows you are so small that even when i asked each and everyone of them, they will point to the same person.

While i was told it was a stupid thing to do to apologize, i do not wish to drag things on with him. I am still on talking terms with him, and we do still sms. We're getting along better and we've both apologize and wished each other best of luck in our own relationships. Yes, they are friends of 4 - 9 years. And to a certain degree, i do trust them. But there are just some stuffs that you tend to tell some people and some to all. Doesn't it occur to you before too? That some things are just meant for a few to know. I intend to explain but to write it in details in sms, i'm very sure it will end up with more misunderstandings.

Yes, you might no longer be interested in reasons and alibis. And even if you read this, you must have think of it as a stupid reason. To involve both parties friends, it was very thoughtless of me. Though i know the consequences, there are some truth behind whatever is written. I don't expect you to forgive me,or hate me in the process, i would just like to clarify certain matters. Yet, if there's 1 thing we could agree on, both parties wouldn't want to see you changed for the worst.

Saying sorry to you and everybody now can't replace the damages done to your pride and integrity. But what i can do at the very least is to respect your decision. I would like to be a better person and I've failed yet again. I'm sure you're still angry with me. I would also like to clear the matters with regards of doing things for Sheila and Violet. In fact, most of our quarrels was the outcome of this issue. To them, I've always been so passive. If it's about my past, I'm no different from you either.I've made one went through such pain, that i could have been a father. I was even willing to take responsibility, but sadly the life was taken away from an accident. Till date, i still remember the events that we went through like movie clips. I hope that little kid will be able to forgive me for not being able to protect him/her.

The video montage, the heart dance was something that i attempt to try and change about myself. Again, i would like to make myself clear that i do regret my actions of the past and i want to try harder. But every time you pulled me down, i will be paranoid and you saying that you will make me hate till your guts keep playing in my mind. If there's something that you can berate me off, it will be that i robbed you of the love i gave to Sheila. If the war's still on, i do not wish to take part in it. I believed i've inflicted enough pain to others.

To the people whom I've hurt with the actions on my blog, I, Muhammad Fadli Bin Nordin, NRIC no. S88*****D, regretted my actions. Though apologizing would not suffice, i hope i can be forgiven. I admit i am weak and emotional to let myself be clouded over thoughts of such. If there's something i could do to make things up to prove that I'm sorry, and as long as it's within my constraint, i will do my utmost best to meet with it.

I could never hate you. For you let me rediscover love. I have sworn to wait for you. For you have been the only person who lit up my life. I have always loved you. For I may have failed but i did love you from the start. I know i'm rotten. To be asking for chances after chances, it will be harder for you and our friends to put their trust and believe in me.

P.S. I STILL LOVE YOU.

After losing my dad and my auntie to colon cancer, & losing my beloved grandmother to stroke, I was told about my uncle who's in the hospital now and is diagnosed with lung cancer. How ironic can my family be? While Parkinson have been hereditary for my mom's side, cancer has been the cause of death for my late father's side of family. While my dad is no. 7 & my auntie is no. 5 of 10 siblings, my uncle's who's having lung cancer is no. 6. Doctors have warned that there's a possibility of my generation to be facing these medical problems when we grow older. Slowly, these old timers are bidding their time. I wonder would i be dying of such medical conditions? Wouldn't it be better that she doesn't bear offspring that has potential medical dysfunctions? I'm still paranoid.

To go or not to go?

2009-07-17T05:02:00.005+08:00

Its friday again, a day which I dread going to school for, yet a day that marks the start of my weekends. Im worried that I would be debarred from other core modules, but i suddenly lost it all, lost my motivation to strive and work hard. Part of me still wants to do it, the other part of me is comtemplating.

Recent events has caused me to sway tremendously and it keeps me at such that I find it hard to believe these are happening, I've always believed that if I put in my effort and my love, things will go on smoothly and I will be able to reap what I sowed. Unfortunately, things went the other way. I am very certain that I did not do anything to deserve to be treated that way in the past, and because I was treated like this before, the more I shouldnt allow myself to let that happen to me again. It wasnt as if you were unaware of how I was treated, yet you went along with it and did the same things that someone else did to me before. Wheres the logic? Wheres the love you claimed you have for me when you decided to hurt me despite knowing I was once hurt the same way?

I let things go your way, from an inch to a yard. You wanted more, you wanted everything of me. Which was going to eat me from the inside, it wasnt that much of the painful feeling, it was saddening to know of such behaviour your showed. From day 1, you already had prejudice against my friends that you have yet to even meet. Till as days went by, you disliked hanging around with them, giving reasons " we are of different worlds, lifestyles and social habits, etc." Eventually, you were finding all sorts of things to pick on me about me hanging out with my friends, being unhappy when I said I wanted to go out with them. When it comes to your friends, I have never uttered a single unhappiness to meeting them, I didnt judge any of them.

When things dont go well, I would tend to ask more questions than usual, yet each time you would just flare up at me for asking too many questions, have I ever did the same to you? Even when times that you said hurtful things to me, which was very insulting and humiliating to a girl, let alone, your girlfriend, did you consider about my feelings? Have I not put that aside after the first insult, the second humiliation and till my last straw of the third tarnishing of my reputation in front for your very own family? Was what I asked from you too difficult and too much? Did I rant about your past and bring it up and compare what you did for her with what you did for me?

You stepped on my integrity, you took advantage of my love, you have tested my level of tolerance and you have pushed me to the limit. Yet low and behold, I still loved and cared for you as my love, as the man of my life.

And now, all has been a mess. I have lost interest in many things. Lastly, you can go ahead and believe/listen to/heed advises from, your outside friends. Whom I did not even know of, whom are not virtual, whom you trusted instead of your other solid friendships and myself. This is how naive you wanna be, carry on, seek refuge from those pathetic, fool-liked outside friends who only knows how to hide behind the screen. If they are suck big fucks, get them out and ask them to lay out all proofs and evidences of whatever they have spoken about me and my friends. Cant believe you had the cheek to tell your friends you dont trust them.

As usual, I dont wanna go to school tomorrow. Seems like the was has just begun.

What do you see?

2009-07-10T17:32:00.005+08:00

It's saddening to know you can do something yet you can't. It's frustrating to have to know my own limits of extending a helping hand. It's depressing to see that desires of not repeating the past is on the course of repeating itself. It's agonizing to be blamed for the downfall itself.

Leave it and the lesson will be learned the hard way; so they say. But i know i can't. I just can't.

Because I'm Stupid

2009-07-09T15:55:00.004+08:00

Yesterday marked the 11th month that we've started dating. I had fun yesterday. I hope you did too. Though we had a bad start, it ended well. There are a lot of things i wanted to say. Yet, i couldn't bring myself to say it. I am capable of smiling, sharing laughter and joke. It's been long that we did have a conversation like that over the phone. We can be on the phone for hours and not saying one word. I'm glad it ended well. The durian escapade ended the day on a high note.

I know i'm in no position to give her advice about school and how she should run her life. Yet, knowing that i'm a dropout from NAFA doesn't make me feel any better to be bumming my days away. I come to understand your allowance and the credit card is sufficient for the life you're leading now. Being satisfied with a life of such, it makes one no difference than me. While you can aspire and reach greater heights, i can only leave the past with regrets and move forward.

She's been as round as the moon lately. I would recommend her to swim. Running or jogging isn't her forte anyways. There's time to have fun, and yes, fun is essential, but managing time is equivalently essential. She should manage her time better for school, friends, and personal time.

I've even come to conclude that she's under stress. Partly, i'm to be blamed. She maybe stubborn, yet she's so delicate that she breaks and fall apart easily. I'm not saying it's wrong, but it shouldn't be a weekly event. Money should be channeled somewhere for times of need. I understand, a normal guy from an average family, wouldn't have the slightest idea how it feels like to have money constantly to dispense.

Yet, i hope she would open her eyes and heart that it's not the end of life. There will be a point of time where one will ponder about their own future. But then again, it's not in my jurisdiction to speak of this. She will find her own path to lead eventually. Gomenasai. Thanks for listening. Till then.

Transformation

2009-07-07T22:07:00.006+08:00

If i have to show and make her feel that i believed in my capabilities, i should start from home. And with that, i started off with my room. Here, you will see the transformation my room went into.

FROM THIS:

TO THIS:

Now, she even has her own space for her clothes that she left behind. And everything looks neat and tidy. OUT!

Hopes and Revelations

2009-07-06T23:45:00.003+08:00

I'm not pinning my hopes high, nor should i say i'm damn sure. But i believed that we've been together with each other that we can understand our ways of doing things. She said she don't want to disappoint me. But how would she disappoint me in any ways? How would she end up being alone till the end of time? There will be a point of time where she will have to settle down. She has her dreams and aims and having a family is one of them. Even if she doesn't end up with me, she will end up with somebody else.

I understand she doesn't want to feel the pain and hurt of love. And i intend to make it right; showing her and letting her feel what we both felt when we 1st started out together. She's afraid. Yes, the 2nd time will hurt more than as it is now. You should take care of your health too. You're having dark rings around your eyes, and you look haggard and lethargic. I understand the need of having fun, but i'm sure your friends would understand that you still have commitments to school. Till my next post.

Find

2009-07-05T18:36:00.000+08:00

From me, from me too
It is changed sincere heart
I say “What should I do? What should I do?”
It is but a extremely faraway, a very faraway love
It is you whom my heart
Definitely can’t give up

I stand here, to find back your laughter
The painful tears from your heart
I am here to catch them all
I make a road that I will definitely not forget, your crystal-clear love
Because we will surely find, our love again

Without you, even without you
Will i be able to live well?
It is always the two of us even in the dream that dream..
Resemblance of you, the times that resembles you
It is the lingering love
That I definitely can’t give up

I stand here, to find back your laughter
The painful tears from your heart
I am here to catch them all
I make a road that I will definitely not forget, your crystal-clear love
Because we will surely find, our love again

The empty love, even with the sadness burning in the chest
I will not be able to push you out from my heart
Because the imperfect me is insignificant
Until the falling tears
Submerge every single memories
For you are my love, I will surely find you

I need a time machine. To fast forward to the day we will get back together. (:

Death-peration

2009-07-04T19:03:00.003+08:00

Thank you for the wonderful gift. Though i was upset that you spent so much on it. You even sold your phone. I want us to have a good time off. So as to build ourselves to become stronger. I enjoyed myself with the two of you. I hope things will turn out fine for us. But time is needed.

Those words are enough to give me hope. Those words are enough to keep me moving forward. I'm happy to be able to see her, yet, i was feeling awkward. Everything seemed like the inaugural date to me. I'm glad she accepted and like the gift. To me, it's nothing much of a luxury. You've spent more on me than i have on you. I'm just keeping up to the promises I've made and trying to make up to you for the lost time. I've always try to tell myself day after day, will today be the day you come back to me? Most will wonder what's the gift. That, you have to asked her yourself. It came with a small bag which somehow looks similar to her dress she wore on my birthday last year. Though my plans for our 1st year seemed far fetched, I hope the gift replaces it's meaning of how important you are to me. When my friends heard of my plans, i was told that it's like a fairytale. I was told that I'm not the Fadd they know. The Fadd they know has never shown his romantic and soft side before. I can't blame them. I was told that if i found someone who'll make search to the ends of the earth for her, and wait till the end of time, I should never let the person go as long as i know she still loves me. This is the moment for me. I do miss her, even now. So till she returns to me, with good or bad news to say, I'll wait. Patiently. Counting down day by day. Till then, I'll keep on trying to make up for the lost time and keeping up with my promises. From the gift, to the event, in one way or another, a promise is a promise.

Dead At 62

From Cancer

View my profile:

Find out when and why you'll die, take The Death Test!

This is a quiz i came across while searching for any theories of my constant headaches and blackouts. Base on what it says, I will be able to lived my life till 62 before dying of cancer. Cancer's a hereditary in the family. I lost my father and aunty through colon cancer. 62 will be a long way more to go. Hopefully by then, i would have lived a life of no regrets with my family and friends. I'll make them proud at least before i bow down for my final act.

Who Knew

2009-07-02T16:51:00.004+08:00

Pardon the mic and the stuttering words. It's my 1st time doing it and the fckin camcorder's mic's not even picking up what i'm saying. And about the heartdance,forgive me. I'm not good at it. (:

"Because she/he has been a major part of your life , of course you'll miss him/her ;
its perfectly normal.
It's like getting your tooth pulled out ; after the dentist pulls it out and you're relieved .
But how many times does your tongue run itself over the spot where the tooth once was ?
Probably a hundred times a day.
Just because it was hurting you does not mean you don't notice it.
It leaves a gap and sometimes you see yourself missing it terribly .
It's going to take awhile , but it takes time.
Should you have kept the tooth ? No , because it was causing you pain.
Pulling out the tooth was the right decision , but its going to hurt. "

Midnight Ponders

2009-07-01T20:17:00.000+08:00

I found this interesting and decided to quote this. It has a deeper meaning to it. Between friends and lover, I would say that love is the most essential part of each and every relation in the world. One can't live a satisfied life without love, and friendship is a relationship which needs the fragrance of love and the shade of trust.

A human being can't live without love and also the friendship, because when you are alone then you need a loving friend who can listen to you and release your tension and can solve your problem, with these two things human being is very alone and can't live in this materialistic world.

Moreover I would say that at some extent one can live without friend but can't live without love because it's the food of our soul, the person who can't love, then also can't make friend. Usually we made many friends in our life, who left behind, and also friendship can break and move on but, the one whom we love stay forever in our heart we can't forget the one who is dear to us.

This is the good luck of a person that, whom, a person loves, is also the friend of a person. I will end my words with these saying: "The sum of respect is love, The sum of love is relation,The sum of relation is a good friend."

Existentialism is basically the idea that existence is a series of free choices, the responsibility for which cannot be lessened by any set of rules, any circumstances, or any outside influences.

It's best interpreted as someone who takes a step back and looks at the world in third-person during prom night. Becoming impersonal with a situation and viewing it through fresh eyes.

LOVE STORY

2009-06-30T02:41:00.006+08:00

It was meant for our 1 year anniversary. But i guess i can let the cat out the bag. It's not complete because i couldn't get my hands on the rest of the photos. I had to reformat my laptop due to some kernel errors. Fuck. I don't know if my predecessors did this kind of things before. To be honest this was my 1st attempt to do such. I wanted it to be for our 1 year anniversary because back then when we 1st started, i told her that instead of celebrating by months past, why dont we go by 1 day, 1 week, 1 month, 1 year, 10 years so on and so forth. It was meant as a joke but personally for me 1 year is quite a feat. Not only i can't get my hands on the photos, things will get more corny if this appears now. Basically, i am feeling quite uptight over this. Like i said, things have yet to be settled. So i wouldn't know how she will react to this incomplete video. The reason i didn't appear in this video is because i intend to have a clip in the end for myself with me doing the heart dance. I promised her i will practice and do it for her. Silly me. So i thought i wanna do the heart dance on the clip of myself. Man, what a waste. I still do intend to follow up with the clip. Though it will seperated from this photo video montage, i believe it will still have the same impact i intend it to have. Though i would have preferred the whole world to view, i can only rely on my new best friend, YouTube since i removed my FB for good.

Ever since i had that bad fall, i've been often having blackouts. Suddenly everything turns pitch black. I can't sit, lie down, or stand for too long. The future looks certainly bleak for me. Fuck.

Click here to download the video to your whatever.

When You're Gone

2009-06-29T12:47:00.002+08:00

I always needed time on my own
I never thought I'd need you there when I cried
And the days feel like years when I'm alone
And the bed where you lie
Is made up on your side

When you walk away
I count the steps that you take
Do you see how much I need you right now?

When you're gone
The pieces of my heart,
I'm missing you
When you're gone
The face I came to know is missing too
When you're gone
The words I need to hear to always get me through the day
And make it ok

I miss you

I've never felt this way before
Everything that I do,
reminds me of you,
and the clothes you left, that lie on the floor
And they smell just like you
I love the things that you do

When you walk away
I count the steps that you take
Do you see how much I need you right now?

When you're gone
The pieces of my heart are missing you
And When you're gone
The face I came to know is missing too
And When you're gone
The words I need to hear to always get me through the day
And make it ok

(I miss you )

We were made for each other
Out here forever
I know we were
Yeah yeah
And all I ever wanted was for you to know
everything I do I give my heart and soul
I can hardly breathe I need to feel you here with me Yeah...

When you're gone
The pieces of my heart are missing you
And When you're gone
The face I came to know is missing too
And When you're gone
The words I need to hear, will always get me through the day
And make it ok

I miss you...

It's too late to apologize. The memories we shared, back from 08.08.08 till now. The day she suprised me on my birthday. Or the times we both went too see grandma together? The double date with hidzir&rynn @ Sentosa. Not to forget Hari Raya. Those are just a few of the happy moments we shared. We have our ups and downs. It's not easy to forget her. I'll admit i lied when i said i can move forward without her.

twentystopsandhome

2009-06-28T19:39:00.001+08:00

I've did some minor updating to the blog. I've relinked those which i need to relink. Thing's ain't going smoothly on our side. Hopefully things will go well in the near future. For now, we both need a breather and time off each other. We have to find our purpose and reason. I will personally like to thank those who wishes to help us further our deteriorating relationship. For now, we will part ways to pursue our own personal interest with the relationship's best interest in view. Wish us the best. Thanks.

I cant seem to forgive myself. never ever.

Oh STFU, observe, ask and check before you do anything.

2009-05-15T18:14:00.012+08:00

I really have no idea why some people WOULD just not check anything and everything properly before making assumptions and jumping to conclusions? So which fucking part of you was chionging the research alone? WHICH? We were at the library from 2.30pm to 4.00pm doing what we went there to do, RESEARCH. Seriously, tell me whats the deal about.

14/5/2009

3:13:28 PM

SIXELA.NNEY

[b][c=15]ilovepotatoe[/c][/b], Atikah

http://www.wildsingapore.com/news/20061112/061228-1.htm ------------- FLOOD (ST dec 27

14/5/2009		3:15:39 PM		SIXELA.NNEY		[b][c=15]ilovepotatoe[/c][/b], Atikah		http://www.asiaone.com/Multimedia/Photo%2BGallery/Story/A1Gallery20071129-551.html with pictures, nicer!
14/5/2009		3:21:12 PM		SIXELA.NNEY		[b][c=15]ilovepotatoe[/c][/b], Atikah		http://www.channelnewsasia.com/stories/singaporelocalnews/view/254641/1/.html GOOD GOOD

14/5/2009

3:24:32 PM

SIXELA.NNEY

[b][c=15]ilovepotatoe[/c][/b], Atikah

http://www.channelnewsasia.com/stories/singaporelocalnews/view/262286/1/.html earthquake.. scary!!

SEE THAT? SO WHATS YOUR FUCKING PROBLEM?

Our objectives was to get our researches done by the instructed submission date, WHO THE FUCK cares how early you did it? How many did you find the day before? Its how relevant your FUCKING articles are, MIND YOU..

Yes and we did laugh, joke and giggle, alot. So what? Or did that stressed you up even more that you couldnt take but to flare up at us? Let me say this, if you were in a good mood from the start to fucking begin with, you would have prolly joined us in our laughing and giggling. BUT eh, sorry you were already unhappy O-WAY-BEFORE. GET THIS??? Damn it.

& if you cant fucking take jokes and dont fucking have that mere sense of humour JUST FUCKING ADMIT IT. Dont blame it on others, and use us as a mean of venting your childish and petty tantrums OR temper as so you call. If you want me to do an analysis for you to have a better understanding of the whole DAMNED situation, i will. So you see, 5 in a group, 4 laughing, gagging and chuckling most of the time, 1 giving a black face and pulling a long one as well. Ignoring the other 4, feeling pissed within himself and petty as well. Hmmm, now i really wonder, WHERE DID IT GO WRONG???? I believe i dont have to mention the obvious, you al have eyes to read and sensible/logical/sane mentality to understand and most importantly, ABLE TO TAKE JOKES and NOT PETTY and NOT ATTITUDE. (: So quit pulling a long face, because sadly, NO ONE OWES IT TO YOU.

Moving on to the next point, BF is not an excuse. For all i know was that i've completed my research and did my part before leaving school, so thats was what I DEEMED FIT. All i said was i dont want to go PJM because i wanted to go over to Fadli house earlier so as to be able to cook dinner for him. GOD DAMN IT..... Did i say " sorry i cant do the SBR alrdy, cos i need to go BF house" Eh fuck you la, not as if i didnt do anything, not as if i was going for a movie, not as if i was going to have some leisure activities. I was going to Fadli house to take care of him, to feed him his food, teaspoon by teaspoon. To apply his medicine for him. YOU WANNA FUCKING KNOW WHY?

Okaye? so hows it? You happy now? Flying over the moon now? Leaping like a frog now? 20 FUCKING STITCHES you go and try la!? You go and try that and see if you need anyone to aid you with the things you're doing anot? KNN.

I guess i dont need to explain any further already. Next time just get the facts right before you start the YAYA PAPAYA k. CHEEBYE.....

2009-04-30T21:22:00.000+08:00

CASE CLOSED.

Pull me back to the ground

2009-04-26T23:32:00.003+08:00

There's always a point of time when you feel that you have no one at all. You, alone surrounded with the solitary atmosphere. This feeling makes me scared, I really feel empty when I sit down and think about it. How should it go about? Reactions will be bad, not as if its like goofy. Emotions will be still, no more happy happy moments.

Will it always be like that? Will it carry on? Will things be in this situation all the time? I dont know how I'm meant to feel anymore. So many so many things stirs up in my head, rumbling around like crushed papers and cotton balls.

Things dont change I guess, the more you want to work hard for it, the more you fall back and it hurts. It feels lonely, sadly this is the fact. Looking at how others could be prolly make me wanna cringe more, knowing the fact that the co-existing things crushes me into bits and pieces.

How many more things am I supposed to place in my already-filled-heart? I feel very trapped within myself, I can't speak, I can't voice it out, I can't cry my thoughts out.

Maybe I'm not supposed to be happy at all.

Mats of puppets

2009-04-05T04:04:00.004+08:00

United living in harmony. I wish. In general, we're no different, just of different skin color and religion. Yet, diversity of races in Singapore makes it possible. Some are still caught in their traditional way while others dared to diversify.

But it's true. It's hard. Very. With my race particularly run by mats. It's a slang. Google it up. It's epidemic. Like disease spreading. I don't hate them. I don't love them. Particularly because i have friends of such. But does that make me one?

Does smoking makes me mat? Or does having a pierced ear makes me one? Does a boy who has a clean record, with proper education background and family upbringing makes me a mat? Or does a boy who has close friends which he treated like brothers make him fall under the category of a typical mat? Or should i say that because i wore caps it makes me one?

I simply don't understand. Why am i even compared to a mid 20's bastard, who is the typical mat, and still considered worst? Why are my credits even overlooked? Can i say it's stereotypical? Can i say this is outrageous when he was defended and i wasn't? and to make matters worst, all i got was 1 chance. 1 fucking chance. And i was expected to leave an impact. Now ain't that depressing?

How do you think i fared? Yes, of course i failed. But life's ain't all fair. I'm not broken over it. I can roughly see where i stand. The very core of my status as a boyfriend's wasn't even supported. Friends over prick, she implied. I can't say much as i'm more of a puppet at the moment. I'll just play along and see where it will gets me.

Oh don't worry. Everything that has happened, from props to casts to scripts, none were contributed by me. I'm just the last resort. This puppet show is solely run by the very people she chose to be part of it. I'm just a spectator. This is a depressing and sad puppet show. It ends with the hero being slain before he can even make a grand entrance. The hero wasn't given much of a support. He was left to fend on his own. Yet i can't tell you much. You have to see it for yourself as it's still on going. I have no idea when it ends.

Well make sure to grab some tickets to it. I'm on the front row seat. I hope to see you here. Meanwhile enjoy.

Blurry

2009-04-04T03:17:00.002+08:00

I have to admit. This is on a whole new level. Something different from what i've had been through. Yet i'm sure that this will be an experience that will linger. Things are blurry as of now. But it will be better won't it? This is the 1st time it involves friends and families. Lies and deceptions. To be honest, she's the 1st who made me feel this way. Am i scared? Am i paranoid? Am i jealous? Am i petty? These are new to me.

These are just baby steps of seriousness. It always made me ponder. Will it be this way when we settled down? I'm excited; yet afraid of what's to come. Silly me. All this while, everything has been revolving around my world. Just like my family. Our lives revolves around the very foundation of this stronghold. My father. His dreams are ours. His aspirations and prospects are ours to share.

As it goes on, i realise, i'm not better than him. In fact i'm just like him. I always tell others, i wish to be like him. Without realising it, i am him. Every aspect of me is him. His temperamental nature, his food choice, his methods of achieving something, ready to make decisions and characters. I inherited every single of it.

Mom had told me of stories that he dislikes going out with her friends. He dislikes crowded places. He prefers to be with his family and his circle of friends. And she lived with it for over years. She said he's a family man, and that's all that matters.

As for me, i intend to keep it that way. I have always been a solitary cloud. My friends and family are my personal pride. She has to accept the fact that this is how i have chose to lived my life. Hate me. Love me. My world doesn't revolves around wealth or status. It revolves around pride and will to move forward. We carve our own future. I don't care what others have done. What others have achieved. What others have been through. They don't benefit me.

Pain and disappointment comes only when you feel it for yourself. To judge one is only the job of god himself. We're just on borrowed time on earth. I rather make full use of it to achieve personal glory. This selfish and egoistic nature of mine was critically critisised by some. Yet, least they know it has made me come this far. I come to realise that we have to give and take. And i come to accept others as they are.

But there are things which i wish to work on. My unavoidable temper & sarcasms. Prior to that, I have nothing to prove. This is me. This is the Fadli that i have been all this while. Forgive me if i hurt any.

To my lil noob brother, here's the quiz that you made me do.

Rules and regulation of the tag;
All 21 people must do unless you don't have a blog.
Write the names of 16 friends you can think of in your head.
And then answer the questions,
Say you're guessing if you don't know,
But at least guess on all of them.
1. Yenn Alexis
2. Syed Hashim
3. Farhan S.
4. Danial Noordin
5. Shan Kasmeir
6. Pirakaash C.
7. Hidzir Tawin
8. Tarmizi Ismail
9. Ismail Rostam
10. Lin Hui Hui
11. Hairinizam Khamis
12. Timothy Isaac
13. Yam Shi Jie Eric
14. Lee Yik Loong
15. Farhan
16. Naser
17. Violet Leong
18. Sheila
19. Hafiz Kamal
20. Suraya

After doing this,tag your 20 unlucky friends to do the same.
1. How did you meet 7?
-Hidzir? We've been mates since 2001. Classmates and part of the COT ever since.
2. What would you do if you and 15 had never met?
-Farhan? Well i could say that my ITE life won't be complete without him.
3. What would you do if 20 and 1 dated?
-Suraya & Yenn Alexis? Well i don't see anything wrong. They might end up bitching about me.
4. Have you seen 17 cried?
-Violet Leong? Yes.
5. Would 4 and 16 make a good couple?
-Danial Noordin & Naser? No. They ain't gays. Even if they are, they are polar opposites.
6. Do you think 11 is attractive?
-Hairinizam? In his own ways yes.
7. What is 2's favourite colour?
-Syed Hashim? he can't make a diff with colors.
8. When was the last time you talked to 9?
-Ismail Rostam? A week back?
9. What language does 8 speaks?
-Tarmizi Ismail? He can speak lots i guess.
10. Who is 13 going out with?
-Yam Shi Jie Eric? How I know?!
11. Would you ever date 17?
-Violet Leong? It's all memories.
12. Where does 18 live?
-Sheila? Singapore. To be precise, west side.
13. What is the best thing about 4?
-Danial Noordin? He's always have a clear mind what's ahead of him. A good decision maker.
14. What would you like to tell 10 right now?
-Lin Hui Hui? Fuck off bitch.
15. What is the best thing about 20?
-Suraya? She likes to treat her favour cousin to dinner dates.
16.Have you ever kiss 2?
-Syed Hashim? He isn't a gay.
17. What is the best memory you have of 5?
-Shan Kasmeir? The times we fought over shared locker.
18.When's the next time you're going to see 4?
-Danial Noordin? When he booked out i guess.
19.How is 7 different from 6 ?
-Pirakaash C. & Hidzir Tawin? An Indian and a thai. What's next?
20. Is 2 pretty?
-Syed Hashim? He's a hustler. Not another Paris Hilton.
21. What was your 1st impression of 15?
-Farhan? He's a quiet lad. Can't say much for 1st impression.
22. How did you meet 3?
-Same as Hidzir Tawin. COT babeh.
23. Is 15 your best friend?
-Farhan? In ITE. kinda one of them.
24. Do you hate 12?
-Timothy Isaac? NO. Fucking no. He was the one whom introduce me to the world of computer.
25.Have you seen 18 in the last month ?
-Sheila? It's been 2 years since i last saw.
26. When was the last time you saw 16?
-Naser? A year ago.
27. Have you been to 5's house?
-Shan Kasmeir? Nope. He doesn't want to invite us over.
28. When's the next time you'll see 10?
-Lin Hui Hui? Depends on when she wanna ask for smoke break.
29. Are you close to 11?
-Hairinizam? We're buddies that like to go photohunting.
30. Have you been to the movies with 4?
-Danial Noordin? yes of course.
31. Have you gotten in trouble with 8?
-Tarmizi Ismail? Yes. During our secondary school days.
32. Would you give 19 a hug?
-Hafiz Kamal? He's my cousin. A handshake will do.
33. When have you lied to 3?
-Farhan S.? Yet to.
34. Is 11 good at socializing?
-Hairinizam Khamis? I'm not sure. He's a quite lad by nature.
35. Do you know a secret about 8?
-Tarmizi Ismail? Not that i know off.
36. Describe the relationship between 12 and 18.
-Timothy Isaac & Sheila? They don't know each other for nuts.
37. What's the best thing about your friendship with 9?
-Ismail Rostam? He cracks jokes.
38. What's the worst thing about 6?
-Pirakaash C? He's always LATE for meetup.
39. Have you every had a crush on 12?
-Timothy Isaac? NO. I'm straight.
40. How long have you known 2?
-Syed Hashim? Going 9 years.
41. Does 11 have any girlfriend / boyfriend?
-Hairinizam Khamis? The last time i met him yeah. Now no idea.
42. Have you ever wanted to punch 1 in the face?
-Yenn Alexis? At times. When she start to hurt herself.
43. Has 20 meet your parents ?
-Suraya? Of course. She's my cousin.
44. How did you meet 11?
-Hairinizam? Same as Hidzir Tawin & Farhan.
45. Did you ever accidentally physically hurt 3?
-Farhan S.? Never did anything close to that.
46. Do you live close to 7?
-Hidzir Tawin? Yeah. Kinda. Marsiling & Woodlands.
47. What is 8's favourite food?
-Tarmizi Ismail? NO IDEA!
48.What kind of car does 1 have?
-Yenn Alexis? Cars that belong to her sister and father.
49. Have you travelled anywhere with 9?
-Ismail Rostam? I can say all over Singapore.
50. If you give 14 a $100, What would she / he spend it on?
-Lee Yik Loong? I guess new set of headphones. He can ejaculate to the thought of it. HAHAHA.

Out.

Midnight Ponders

2009-03-18T03:26:00.002+08:00

You would know it when you have the feeling of absolute silence within yourself, that some things might be crushing the juices out of your brain. To have your inner soul in such a solitary state of emotion would sometimes be of an obstacle to you for quite a while, or at least at that very moment.

Come to think about it, often and at night especially. I would start to realise that my mind is starting to nudge me from within, trying to make it known to myself that it needs me to pay attention to it. As soon as i could feel my heart throbbing, my pulse quaking, fluctuating high and low. Frightfully, it sends tremors to my heart yet I, at the same time, am clueless of it.

It scares me badly, feels as if someone was pushing me off a high mountain, making me do bungee, and alone, I would just be hanging there, bouncing up and down on a suspension rope. Sometimes I would be frightened, sometimes I would reflect, sometimes I would feel at eased. I wonder how many of you do actually get such feelings as well, but nonetheless, it is one feeling that will always be hard to crack for me.

For now, I just hope things would all turn well for everyone. All to be happy with their lives, all to be hopeful as well.

An Explicit Affair

2009-03-17T07:28:00.004+08:00

This is me. This is my life. I have no regrets living through it. It's been a blast.

You can find the rest here.

Adaptation

2009-03-16T01:14:00.001+08:00

The Suite Life of ELMO, GEMOQUE and ASHA.

ELMO !
At first, it was my brother's friend who found him. It was at Bedok, my family nor I was there. It was two days after he found Elmo, that we brought him in. I was shocked that my brother, Fadd, would bring a cat back. It was so small, eyes not opened. It's very rare to find a cat in a situation like this. I thought it was bought, not found. I was delighted, to finally have a real companion, other than the two rabbits I had back then, Leo and Wolfie. The two rabbits are boring, that's why I won't talk about it. (: . Mum did not like Elmo at first. But due to Elmo's cuteness we decided that, Elmo should be a part of us, nothing less, nothing more. Since then, we are proud to announce that he is a part of our FAMILY. We then started to find baby bottles for cat, and the milk that were specially made for them. For the first few weeks, we gave Elmo the man-made milk for cats, but it was so expensive, costing about $30 or more per tin. We would feed him milk until his stomach would fill, he would then lie down on his back, and sleep. After awhile, we couldn't afford to waste anymore money on the cat's milk and we decided to buy a cheaper one, which was meant for humans. We thought it would be the same but then, it wasn't. It made him grow faster physically, and soon mentally. I still could recall my grandmother feeding him with the milk and he would grab the bottle himself, but he wasn't that strong to hold the bottle and the bottle would then fall to his belly, which will make him jump. I really missed that. Elmo's baby times... I would never forget that. We watched him grow, day by day. When he was about 4months old, I decided to play with him, making him catch me. My brother bought a ball, which has some small marbles in it, which makes sound whenever I shake it. So I ran with it, all around my house, ignoring the scoldings I got from all my family members, claiming that it was super noisy. At that time, all I wanted to do was make him a cat that is full of energy, that love to run. Then, I always ordered McDonald's. I would always save some fries for him, cause he like fries at that time. Then, he had sore throat, or a cat fever. He just lied down in the balcony for hours, till we noticed that he was sick. We immediately sent him to a vet, where he received his jab. The doctors there gave us a medicine, which was liquid, and we didn't know how to make him swallow it, cause it stinks. As soon as we got home, my brother opened his mouth gently and I tried to put it inside his mouth. It was a success but the problem is, I gave him too much, way too much till the medicine was finished. The next day, he cured and he was back to who he was, a playful cat. Everyday, when I come home from school, feeling stressed, he would come to me and purr, asking me to scratch him, and I did. Although it seemt boring, but making him happy, makes me happy too. A year later, he was disastrous. He wanted freedom, he peed at the door, hoping that we would give up on him and "throw" him on the void deck. Sadly, we did. Of course, I cried. Losing my little brother, was just too sad. I couldn't help it. I mourned for a few days, then my brother came up with a brilliant idea, to make a "poster" on Elmo. We wrote that he was missing and if anyone found him, call us. That night, it was the seventh day of his loss. Even mum missed him, even though she was the one who abandoned him, but I don't blame her, it's what Elmo wants, and we decide to fulfill it. After sticking the papers on the news at some walls in the lobby and bus stops, we got a few calls, but none of them was Elmo. We had a last call, which was blocks away from our flat, quite far away. We were exhausted, so we didn't go there. My brother and his girlfriend went out and came home at two. He claimed that he found Elmo at the first floor of our block. I jumped in joy, till I cannot sleep. Everyone came to him, gave him food. He ate greedily as he didn't have a feast for seven days. I was really relieved that he was safe. He didn't go far after all. He went missing for quite a times too, but we wasn't worried, cause we know that he will just walk around this block, and at the same day, we would find him. Now, he knows how to go back home to my house, after having a walk around with his new girlfriend in the 1st storey, Scarlet.

GEMOQUE !
Isn't Gemoque a unique name? It was supposed to me Gemuk, means fat, cause he IS fat. But we made it unique, and it's GEMOQUE. Hohoho. It was on the fasting month, when I and my sister found him at block 794, near Admiralty MRT station. We were actually collecting food for later, when we break our fast. Along our way, we found him, his leg was scalded. He was so cute, and we pitied him. He was eating the grass, cutely. My sister and I brought him home. And again. Mum denied him, she said one's enough. We abandoned him at first. Since it was raining, mum pitied him and asked me to take him back until rain stopped. The rain didn't stop, which showed us that God wanted us to take him, but the next morning, mum threw him away, without my permission. I was really angry and mad at her. I stormed out of the door and went to look for him. Unfortunately, I didn't get to find it. Mum came down to find me, and she did. She said she found Gemoque and I was so happy. We apologised to each other. Then, Gemoque was also a part of our family. Anyway, Elmo needs a friend which is a cat. But Gemoque was a bit of a gay. Yeah, it's funny. He's weird... He talks to us. Whenever we say something, he would echo back, I mean, purr loudly. *MEOW!*. Something like that. (: . He was the cutest cat we've ever gotten. His feet and hands stinked because he intentionally stepped on his pee and it made his feet and hands YELLOW. Whenever we wanna carry him, he would push us away in the face with his smelly and stinky hands. He never liked bathing as much as Elmo does. Hahah. Sadly, he love to take risks. He sleeps at high places, where he can fall, and hurt himself. We would laugh at him at first. The way he fall is cute. He slept at the table, and rolled around till he fall. We didn't thought that it could be so serious. One day, he slept outside of the house, at the edge of a ledge. He fell down, from the 10 floor. It was really gory, luckily, I didn't see that fall. Only the next day, we found blood at the 1st floor, just beside where the ledge is positioned.

| | <---- Ledge. [ ] <---- Ground, 1st floor.

It was

| | [ *** ]
The ledge was on the 10th floor. The *** is the blood. Yeah, it was sad, I cried too... I really missed him. Rest in peace, Gemoque.

ASHA !
This cat's a pity. We adopted her from two owners, who are totally responsible. Asha was cute too. She was black. Her name's nice too. The owners had to go Australia to work and they had no choice but to give up on her. We took her in, mum was very very displeased with us. She was stressed. A few days later, she started to like her. Gemoque really hated her, he would try to bash her up whenever he can, so we kept her in my brother's bedroom. Soon, after a year, Elmo and her had three babies, Cosmic, a female, Wilber and Gilbert, both male. They were very adorable. Unfortunately, due to some reasons, we can't keep them, nor we could keep Asha. By then, Gemoque had died. But we really had fun with her. The last time I saw her babies were somewhere near 888 Plaza. They were grown-ups. Now, I don't know anything about them but I do pray for their safety.

So, that's my cat's life. And that's how much I love my cats. I love animals. I try to make them happy if I see one, except for dogs. I touch them sometimes. I don't get why some people say dogs are scary. It is true they are scary at times, but they are adorable too. Hmm, I guess this is it. It's the end of this post. Hope you enjoyed this post a lot. I spent an hour on this post or more. Till then.

I wanna see you guys, Gemoque, Asha, Cosmic, Wilber and Gilbert. I miss you guys...

Adapted from my lil bro's blog, Nazri. Till then.

Cheshire Cat

2009-03-04T07:45:00.002+08:00

When i first received a call from Ismail 2 years back, i was hesitant. For a fact that i know nuts about bringing up a baby, or in this case a kitten. He was found abandoned, in a box, all alone, still frail, eyes yet to be opened, crying non-stop presumingly for his mother. He has no hope of survival.

But that's why they say miracles do happen. Now, He is a 2 year old tuxedo cat. He is the pampered one in the family. I still remember the 1st day when i got him, i fed him bottled milk. Like a baby, he wants to hold the bottle by himself. Feeding him till he bloats - literally. He will cry in the middle of the night when everybody's asleep. What can i say, he's a little rascal.

As days past by, his eyes begin to open, his teeth began to shape up, & he starts to pick up human traits. Curious about the outside world. Rushing at every opportunity he can to run out the door, watching cars drive by and birds chirp by. He learnt potty on his own, he learnt to ask for food when he's hungry, he learnt how to groom himself. He has indeed grown into a fine young lad.

As our bonds grow, i discover that i do love animals. Be it canines, felines or any other animals. And on that fateful Monday morning, i was sitting alone at the BBQ area waiting to wake the rest up, i saw these group of cats grabbing bites of leftovers. Not afraid of human contact. I gave it a thought. We don't see stray dogs co-existing with humans often unlike stray cats do. They live and hunt in packs. Depending on each other to survive. But cats are independent. They are all for themselves.

Though i don't wish to go about issues of strays and whatever that comes with it. We all have our own reasons for not liking cats, dogs or animals in general. Till date, i've taken in 3 cats into my household. Now still living with us will be the pampered Elmo. I've taken in an Ash colored female cat who loves to on top of me, Asha & a wounded fat cat who likes to talk back to me, Gemoque. Both has always been in our memories be it wherever they could be now. Asha, like Elmo was abandoned when she was young. I saw her photos online and i told myself, i can do this. I can help this kitty. I took Asha in, took care of her. She soon got kittens with Elmo. Cosmic, Gilbert, Wilbert. They are now being well taken care of by a cat lover around my neighbourhood. Gemoque fall to his demise. Gemoque's a strange cat. He always talk to me. Not as in literally talk. But he will purr and meow at me. As if he's talking. He's the glutton in the family & he stinks of pee. He has quite a character. Whenever we put him close to our face, he will use his paws which he purposely stepped on his pee and push it on our face. He likes to sit on his back and watches tv with my grandmother. Gemoque likes high places. He doesn't run away. He has the freedom to walk anywhere he wants. He can go missing for the whole day and found on the next day. But one fateful day, he fall down to his demise. Sad, brutal, or gory, it's true.

I've always been visiting http://www.catwelfare.org/. As much as i wished to help these strays, it's not possible. I don't have the space, time & money for it. I do still receive emails from cat lovers around this small nation who cares for this stray, and some of the emails are sad to see. Kittens as young as few weeks old dismembered beyond recognition, Kittens beaten till half of it's brain showing. I wonder, what does these strays ever do to hurt you? Even if they did, why can't we show them sympathy? Aren't they still alive and breathing? Able to feel pain, sadness any other other feelings we can feel. They are given a life to live. Be it shorter than us, to them they might feel as if they lived as long as we do. They don't have fucking 9 lives if they are being skinned alive. What's left of it is it's head, bones, and it's tail.

And these people who hurt animals of any form get away with it. While some idiots rather write to complain with regards about over populating strays, shouldn't they 1st acknowledge the wrong doings of irresponsible owners. Brushing time, kids, pregnancy as their alibis to abandon their pet astray. They should have thought about it fully before making such decision. What about the bonds they make with the pets they keep? What about their feelings? Should they be as smart as us, they would have not trusted humans. But still generations after generations, they try to co-exist with humans. SPCA can't be blame for putting them to sleep. They don't have the space to hold all these strays. As much as i pity these strays, all i can do is do what i can. I will keep on looking after the strays in my neighbourhood. Till then.

What has become of this?

2009-02-21T17:43:00.006+08:00

What would really make you happy?
I guess its all my fault, and i would not persue this matter.
Since you said it all last night, im pretty sure theres so much unhappiness within you.
I will let what she said slowly take place, I wont say anything.
I wont make things difficult for you.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Its been a while friends, that i haven been actively blogging. Which i feel sad about, having such a beautiful blog layout and nice song, yet i didnt make full use of it. Sometimes i just wonder why people always say i make use of them. Am i really that kind of person in your impression? Well, there was a purpose for this blog, but it hasnt been serving its purposes, because the more you say, the more you will go wrong.

Just like me, i have said alot, yet each time i say something, i go wrong. To most, i would always be the one not changing, always be the one causing a trouble. Be it at home or in this, and it really is a huge heartache to know that people would think of me this way. You have many times claimed that im a revengeful person, i really wonder to myself, how true is this? Maybe we are swopping personalties now, and it all gonna be my fault, as usual. And i wont rebut, because you have had your say. I totally understood what you were trying to put across.

Go and achieve what you want, there wouldnt be anyone stopping you, and there isnt anyone that you need. If u want a little kitten, a little kitten it is then.

It's Not Your Fault

2009-02-10T22:51:00.002+08:00

I'm back to where i'm started and i'm raring to go. I've manage to tone down on my smoking and it couldn't be better. Things has finally started. I found out that asking for an early enlistment's somehow a waste of time. Base on real life accounts by few, they say they have done it before many times and still nothing was done despite being told that they we're doing a case by case review. I guess i just have to wait for the letter, and be a good boy for now.

On her side, she's busy with her projects lately. I guess that's a good thing. Things will get tougher from here. But i'm happy she's finally putting in effort. As in finally. She has lots to cover this week and i hope it doesn't trouble her hectic schedule. Hopefully, her results will be way better too. I won't be able to meet her much but it's for her own good. I pretty much won't be able to meet her except most probably weekends once i got called up for NS.

It's then your part to watch her for me. On my part, i wish to apologise for the recent event's that has happened. If that i've hurt your feelings or you feel hurt when you are not involved or whatsoever the reason is, i'm sorry. It's not too much for me to ask though. I'm off.

RockNRolla

2009-02-02T02:20:00.004+08:00

What do you make of this?

Life in Technicolor

2009-01-20T11:34:00.003+08:00

Good Morning to all. All's steadily going well now and i couldn't have asked for better. It's only norm if i do a proper introduction for myself since i can see that i'm pretty much in the background.

I'm Fadd. Currently a drop-out from NAFA after a 2 year stint pursuing Higher Nitec in Information Technology @ College East. Still, and has been waiting for enlistment till date. Me, bumming whole day is seen by many as a norm. Animes, Mangas, cookies are a few items u wished to avoid me from having.

Nevertheless, these are my COTs. The writers of RTW. Restrictedtowriting. They are my motley crews. A non-typical, dysfunctional malay community who wants to make a difference in the society. They are always striving forward, ever challenging each other who's better thus introducing a friendly rivalry inbetween us.

Danial, Hidzir, Shan are respectively graduated from their own fields. Danial graduated on a high note from NAFA with pretty much good credentials. Hidzir, pretty much a nurse, and Shan, from BioMedical science . Hashim's doing his 2nd diploma in Mass Communications after attaining a Diploma in BioMedical science previously. Mizi, Farhan & Pirakaash are doing well in TP, RP & NYP respectively. Ismail, is currently enrolling in Higher Nitec to keep up the pace with the others ahead of him.

And this year marks that it has been 9 years ever since. As for me, i'm pretty much left far behind. I'm pondering whether to go back to NAFA or should i try LaSalle or MDIS and pursue something different than arts. Arts has been something i fall back upon. I mean that's what i think of arts.

And the following after, will be for ol' time remembrance sake. Enjoy. Till then.

Our babies

2009-01-20T10:06:00.007+08:00

Hello and good morning to all of of you. I suddenly had the sudden spur of introducing our little hammies to all of you. Well, we bought 3 beautiful hamsters of 5 weeks old about 3 weeks back. Initially it was residing at CHUBS' home but after 2 weeks odd, we decided that i should bring them home, why? Cos they were FIGHTING!! yea, i know it must be hard to imagine angels fighting right? But its true, one of them was so aggressive that she bit the tail of another and it bled! How awful, maybe its Pre-Menopause for her. Let me show them all to you.

Latte - Fattest, fastest growing among the trios- winter coated hammie

Sneak-peeking!

Wondering what is she doing? She's doing what she does best!

EATING!!

This is Oreo- The aggressive one(the one that bit aother's tail)

& she's always hogging the running wheel, whoever comes into her way, she POUNCES!

As usual.

Miss victim - Coco a.k.a Speed demon

Smallest in size, fastest in speed. But still the victim

Loves to squeeze

Cutsey

Now you know more about them and if anyone has any advice to give on how to prevent them from fighting and getting injured, please let me know. Thanks!

What a day

2009-01-19T23:07:00.000+08:00

My day started off well, first thing in the morning i bumped into my many years neighbour, Gabriel. He was on his way to work and me to school. We chatted about how we all boys and girls used to be, and all the childhood neighbours, those big bullies. And yes, time really flies. Then again we all have to grow up and lead our individual lives as we carve our path toward our future. Some will succeed and have a luxurious life that they worked hard for, some would lag behind as their still not doing anything constructive and living off their parents. Yet still see no point in finding a job, or furthering their studies. Sad to know this, but we cannot interfere in what they are doing now, but to only give opinions once in a while when we all meet up.

Reached school and first lesson was great, why? That's because i didnt see the stinking ass-swiped lecturer ,Eunice. What a blessing. *Phew* But not everything was gonna be smooth sailing as i thought. After econs tutorial, waited for the bus 961 and 170 to arrive, yet it took 961 40minutes to reach. Little did i know that the previous broke down. Alas, i managed to squeeze into the pancakes-in-the-oven bus. Looking at the time, i was definately going to be late for work, therefore very responsibly, i called my supervisor to inform about my delay for work. YET... i was given the most hostile tone by her. "What now!??!" Hows that mann folks? If you were calling someone and he/she picks up and snapped "WHAT NOW!??!" Goodness me, i was shocked! and tried to explain, and then got bombarded with questions and then got told that i need not turn up for work today. I waited,travelled and suffered under the SCORCHING HOT-SETTING SUN, mind you AUNTY! Best part was, she HUNG UP on me. How beautiful was that mann?? So i decided , oh well i should just head to CHUBS' place. Along the way, on the same bus where i was sitting next to a secondary school boy, he stinked and shifted both the air-con outlet to himself. How selfish and inconsiderate. ROARS......... Thats not just it people, while getting down, another woman insisted to tap her ez-link card before letting me alight, she just stomped infront of me. DANG, i immediately rang CHUBS up and ranted to him. Poor baby, sorry for pouring my plight to you.

Oh well, very quickly i cooled down while walking over to CHUBS place, knowing that everything will be a-o-kaye real soon after i see him. We played magic pen (will introduce this game to you all, it was from koonlong actually), ate dinner and panicked quite a bit before leaving to meet the COTs at Ala-meen.

Overall, im feeling better alrdy and that's because CHUBS and i are GOOD <3<3

Hashim

Farhan

Endorsement for Nokia

Camera-shy Farhan

My baby!!

Baby again

Baby, Mael, Farhan and Hashim

leftrightleftright

2009-01-18T14:37:00.000+08:00

Dreaming of the Osaka sun.